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our sordid histories, they play the drama of redemption

Editor’s note: I have this strange tendency when listening to a “voice” i like to start adopting it to something i want to write or say. I’ve been listening to Wil Wheaton’s PAX East keynote (equal part inspiring and slightly NSFW), and in his honor (both to Get Excited and Make Things, and to shamelessly borrow his “voice), It sounds like this:

__________

on a night like tonight, I can’t help but remember the past, and the future.

The weather outside is warm, but with a chill on the breeze,

like all those nights of driving home after a late friday with friends, windows down, playing my sad songs on the road home.

all the same, i’m living in the future,

getting inspired by a hero i’ve never met while chatting with lifelong friends from across the country.

the world may not be in the best shape: politicians are still deplorable, people are still starving.

things may seem downright scary or depressing on a micro level (or at least in the abstract),

and there’s not much to do to make it right.

but pulled back, what do I have?

i’m living in the Future,

and the same Me who survived the heartache and turmoil of those long drive nights is the me filled with passion,

and life,

and goals and plans today.

and every bit of what it took before led me here.

Yes, even the childish laziness and abject fear of my thesis writing.

Yes, even the uncertainty (past and present) of a career path or a five-year plan.

It all matters. It all counts. And I trust that the Lord has built a universe in which these threads tie together more than they ever split apart.

I hope Future Me has exponentially more to be thankful for, in looking back at how it all fits together with even sharper eyes, with even a clearer view.

At the moment, though, I can’t imagine feeling much more warm and full than I do now.

______________

“We look out way down past the road we came from. We’re looking at redemption--it was hidden in the landscape of loss and love and fire and rain. Never would have come this way looking for redemption.” - Dan Haseltine

Peace and love,

sean

Quotable Quotes: Creation and Innovation

"...An art game, by itself, is neither inherently original nor unoriginal. Likewise, innovation, by itself, is neither good nor bad.... In the same way that a knife can be put to good or evil purposes depending on who is holding it, a game can be great or terrible depending on who makes it....

A bad game is a bad game, and I think it's intellectually dishonest to act like big budget games are incapable of being unique while art games are original and wonderful by no merit other than the type of game they are. Let's judge these things on their own merits."

- Jim Sterling, "Art games aren't innovative and innovation isn't good", published on Destructoid

PS My dearest thanks and gratitude to Leigh Alexander, whose style of making quotes interesting I mimic here.

The courtesy of not keeping up

Editor's note: I started writing this the other night, and worked on it for a few hours, but couldn't find a good way to bring it to a close. I'm still not 100% happy with it, but I need to post, so take this for what you will.

_____

Maybe it’s the grad school budget. Maybe it’s the time crunch. But more and more, the older I get, the more my gaming habits begin to resemble how I played games as a kid. It’s not nostalgia for me, most importantly, because it’s still reality.

Seriously, it’s the beginning of 2010 and i’m playing Fallout 3 Game of the Year (released 2008), an endeavor restarted shortly after finishing Mass Effect (2007 X360, 2008 PC) for the second time, all the while playing Bioshock (2007) again and working coop through Half Life 2 (2004). My game buying in the next 6 months? Let’s see: Mass Effect 2 on Tuesday (probably the only game i’ll pay full price for this year). What’s next? Err... Bioshock 2 for my birthday maybe? Dragon Age: Origins (Christmas gift) in between the two, or as that game that gets me through to Christmas 2010? More Half-Life?

I don’t think it’s any big revelation to the people who know me well to say that I’ve spent the last two years or so investing myself in news surrounding, and critical thinking related to gaming culture, but try as I might, I’ve never felt comfortable wearing the game enthusiast hat, and it’s very surprising to me.

As a burgeoning medium, video games have amazing, exciting potential that designers, writers and programmers are only just beginning to exploit. New independent and AAA games releasing every two or three months, developed by stellar teams with stellar ideas and (with a little hope and pixie dust) stellar execution. I have friends who want to be game designers, friends who own multiple systems and host wonderful (and phenomenally stocked) gaming nights and friends to play games online with until 5 in the morning (it’s not an uncommon occurrence).

Heck, I started this blog to write about game culture (among other things), and I’m even in talks with my (game design) buddy about starting our own gaming culture podcast (details forthcoming. Tell your friends).

I’m a collector of meaningful experiences, but when I look at a list of upcoming releases, or listen to retrospectives covering the year behind us and I’m left a little ... uninterested, borderline apathetic.

Something doesn’t add up.

I don’t think it’s because I just don’t care anymore, though I have to admit that a combination of video game crazy and lack of a commute have left me less involved in music and movies than I’ve been in the past. I could blame my lack of interest on cynicism towards the games industry, or the music industry, or the political machine, or whoever else is focus-testing just the right product pitch to sell me what I “need”, but that’s frankly too easy of an out, and one that, to echo Conan, I don’t think will get me anywhere.

Frankly, I just don’t think I can keep up.

I’ve discovered, thanks to the constraints before me, that in reality, I don’t miss trying to keep up. Whether it’s music, movies or video games, the financial and personal investment required for keeping up are not worth the costs on me or my family. I don’t begrudge anyone who wants to keep up, or even people who consistently try.

I think, just for me... I’m done.

So you all enjoy the trending and the hyping and the cogent-discussion-of-new-things... I’ll just stay over here, with my rereleases of Gamecube games, my Christmas Steam sale haul, and my third playthrough through Mass Effect 2. I love ya, but we can talk Call of Assassinated Metro Shock 7 when i can grab it for at least half off.

I’ll pay attention, don’t get me wrong. I just won’t keep up.

Think of it as abstaining... courteously.

Speaking into doubt

To trust God in the face of deep tragedy is most often not as simple or easy as waiting for the tension of minor chords to resolve into major chords... I also believe [art exists] to create space for the many of us who live here to have a sense of normalcy in our doubts.

There is plenty of space provided for those more ‘certain’ about their faith; I am hoping to provide some room for the rest of us.

- Justin McRoberts (from Soul Audio)

As a country, over the last year with the economic changes and the political changes, I think that there are so many people on both sides of the spectrum that are just afraid. There is more and more polarization, more and more fear.

Even though these are new sets of circumstances, there's always something that you can be afraid of.... You see these threads and see what are the things we're going to be afraid of and how do we address that in our songs of faith.

Fundamentally, that is what's shaping how we find our faith; it's how we speak into our doubt.

- Sandra McCracken (from Patrol Magazine) 

Potentiality, or how an ebook reader got me thinking about the future

I can barely remember a time before books were digital in my life.

They still are, for a lot of people, and my foray into the world of Kindles and e-reader apps is by far the exception rather than the rule. But it still strikes me as odd that I’ve turned the page (apologies for the pun) and I am now in the both exhilarating and frustrating process of accommodating a new piece of technology into my life.

Like most new technologies for me, the Kindle was not a purchase but a gift, a piece of technology highly vetted by my father and now available to me for my own evaluation. (I have been using Kindle for iPhone for quite awhile; the iPod Touch running it was similarly a gift). At first I was quite excited by the sheer amount of free content - I spent a few hours combing through the Kindle Store, eagerly snapping up free-for-a-time and public domain works to access on my iPod. Gifts carry a bit more discretion, but when it comes to free, why be choosy?

On one level, I wish I had been more choosy - my Kindle archives are littered with discarded books, some that I will return to “one of these days” and others I will probably never read. On another level, I am left with a few really good PD books that I’ve been meaning to read (mostly Russian authors, though I worry about the quality of translation), as well as a good digital copy of the ESV Bible.

The ability to download sample chapters, the second major advantage of the Kindle, was an option I discovered soon after my raid into the public domain storage bins. Amazon allows Kindle readers to download a certain portion of the beginning of any book in the Kindle store for sampling, with a quick purchase option available at the end for interested parties. This was the game changer for me, and seems potentially revolutionary.